ADHD
I bought a new sofa on credit at 03:03 am this morning after waking up in a cold sweat from a nightmare. I want the dog that I haven’t adopted yet to feel comfortable when he arrives, and I want to make it cosy with lots of super soft blankets.
The sofa I’m sitting on now barely fits me alone and I have to put my legs on the coffee table to relax.
I bought 10 bone chews to bring to the 9 dogs at the shelter, an extra one just in case there’s been a new arrival.
Imagine just the one new dog not having a chew toy.
The idea is so sad.
They probably wouldn’t even know, I doubt they all live in one room together, but still.
I slept two hours, it’s 06:02 am right now. After I’d woken up at 03:03 am, the panic attacks wouldn’t let me go back to sleep, so I shopped for furniture that I’m not sure will fit in my new place.
I don’t know when I’m moving, but it shouldn’t be a long time away.
I’m sure it’ll be okay … probably.
The dog I’ll be welcoming is a greyhound; we haven’t met yet though.
I don’t know if the dog will be a he, but I think they will be for some reason.
Having to rehome my plants is going to be difficult, swapping one life for eight, or is it ten? I’ve lost count. I’m too busy writing to take the time to count them out, right now. They’re behind the curtains anyway.
What was I supposed to be writing about again?
ADHD?
Oh, yeah.
Maybe a piece like this can clear the thought process out for a minute or two, maybe an hour, maybe two or three. Maybe the words spilling through my fingers onto this screen can display, correctly, the way the subjects on my mind change in direction every other second. Maybe the shifts can display the energy right.
It’s erratic, isn’t it?
I started out writing about Hinduism and how I used to be so disturbed by how fatalistic it felt, and how uncomfortable that made me feel. Then I wanted to write about how much that’s changed and how I’m fine with it now, but I got distracted by writing another piece about needing a change.
I wrote for 10 minutes and it has five lines, but I got dizzy trying to focus and changed my mind.
I’m not manic, not today anyway.
I am, sometimes, but not today.
This is just the display of a brain with ADHD on a more difficult day.
I really wish my brain would chill.
